'Pished'
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on me way then"
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face."Shoite,Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside, takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better, and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, crawls to the door and collapses inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". But with gritted teeth he hauls himself up and stands at his bedroom door.
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face again. He says "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called...... You left your wheelchair at the pub"